GenX Spent A Day Wearing a Crop Top (For Science) and Did Not Die

GenX, gird your loins! The tiny t-shirt is back in a big way! Like me, I know that most of you harbor some manner of trauma from the last time this trend was as big as it is right now—that time being the late 90s into the early 00s. I was always partial to the trend then, and I can not even begin to explain why. I never was, and am certainly not now the type of skinny manic pixie that we were all being shown in crop tops in the 90s. No, I'm a nearly 6 foot tall, built like a brick s**thouse Wisconsin girl, so I figure if I can wear a tiny t shirt for a day and not die, so can you.

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You'll notice I have not, nor will I, make any mention here of what we *should be wearing at whatever age, weight, or stage in life we are at. I leave that kind of rage-bait for outlets like the Daily Mail. I promise you I'm not being overly dramatic when I name and shame that outlet. Check out this simple internet search if you want to see a shining example of how women upwards of 40 are treated by the mainstream media simply by attempting to dress themselves. Last year alone the Daily Mail wrote at least seven articles about what women of a certain age should or should not wear.

No. This is a safe little corner of the internet where you get to wear whatever the f**k you like, ladies. There are no podcast bros here that will hate post or body shame you. No Man With a Microphone™️ video will suddenly pop up on your screen, forcing you to listen yet again to "No man wants a woman who...(*insert your own perceived infraction here)." When they do turn up here, or on any of my socials, I chase them down like a shieldmaiden and take their heads as an offering to our chieftain, Cher.

Now that we have all the housekeeping out of the way, a little trauma-dumping is in order. Allow me to walk us down memory lane into the 1995-1997(ish) era of tiny shirts.

Ah yes—the satin trousers! The low waists! The strappy sandals! My feet start to hurt just thinking about the "going-out shoes" of the late 90s, and if you gaze upon this photo while allowing your eyes to unfocus a bit, you will conjure out of the ether the taste of Snackwells fat free vanilla cookies, the smell of Camel Lights, and you will hear Oasis playing somewhere off in the distance.

Look at this toothy, fresh-faced queen below. She walked around the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul for an entire afternoon in this cropped velvet tiny t-shirt, brown kick flares, her backpack, and a pair of chunky slides from Payless Shoes—all this before sashaying casually back to the cruise ship on which she worked. She bought an authentic belly dancer costume that day, which saw her through nearly two decades of Halloween parties before it tragically went missing during a move across the country. But I digress. Oh, and the tiara was not hers. One of the merchants at the Bazaar handed it to her to try on—clearly he knew he was in the presence of royalty—for who else would deign to wear a velvet tiny t shirt to match their jet black hair if they were not of royal blood? Such elegance can only really be properly celebrated with an application of rhinestones, and that man clearly understood the assignment.

So what does it feel like now, to wear a tiny tee crop top at an age where back in medieval times, you would have already been dead for at least a decade and a half?

It feels exactly the same as it did back in the 90s—a bit odd, but not altogether unpleasant. Let me break it down.

The Pros and Cons of the Crop Top Tiny T Shirt

The Pros

• As a layering piece, the tiny tee is a no brainer. It pairs well with high waisted bellbottoms and mom jeans (not pictured here, my jeans, like their owner, are stuck in the low waisted 90s).

• It's comfortable (*with exceptions). It works really well for the gym and for just kicking about around the house. Pairs really well with flat-waisted yoga pants and wide leg sweats.

• Looks cool AF under a leather motorcycle jacket, (*though if you actually do ride, it's the last thing on earth you want to be wearing, trust me.)

• There are a variety of lengths to choose from. You don't have to go for a full-on, underboob-exposing cut, you can find one that just glances off of the waistband.

The Cons

• You are being constantly reminded that you have a body part exposed every time you enter a grocery store or any other place where there is refrigeration or aggressive air conditioning.

• See above pro talking point on the variety of lengths. No two are created alike. finding one that hits at the right place is harder than you think, Especially if you're tall and long-waisted like me. (The one in the pic is actually quite a bit shorter than I'd envisioned but I went with it for the sake of the experiment.)

• Make sure you test so see what happens when you reach overhead. Especially if you're tall and/or long waisted. I neglected to do this critical step and nearly put on quite a show reaching for some bread on the top shelf at Tesco.

• You're going to feel a bit exposed and vulnerable at least some of the time. In the 90s we were desensitized to having our abdomens hanging out. No longer—especially if you live somewhere where the weather is miserable.

The Verdict

Will I keep these in the rotation? Absolutely, although for me they make much more sense in a warmer environment than the Highlands of Scotland tends to offer. But I do see myself using them as a layering piece, wearing them around the house or to the gym, and beach holidays and time spent in Florida working on the house are fair game as well.

Whatever you want to do, ladies. This is just field research. I'm not here to tell you how to live your lives.